As athletes, we should always give our bodies the best if we expect to perform our best, right? The best training, the best recovery, the best food, the best sleep, the best gear, etc. I always thought that I strive to do this, within the realm that I can (as a full time working mom, I am no professional athlete).
I was recently reading the blog of a pro runner, and she had written about a disappointing race and her training that followed. She noted one of the biggest mistakes she could make after the race was to go into workouts upset about her sub-par performance and push too hard trying to “punish” herself for it. She went as far to say that “doing that gains nothing but risks everything.”
When I read that, it hit me. I have spent all of 2016 doing exactly that: pushing hard to get redemption from the Dallas Marathon. I never thought of it as punishing myself, but considered it ensuring that I would not fail again. I want to work so hard that even if I don’t have a great race and have poor weather conditions again, I will still hit that sub-3:00 marathon.
It hasn’t worked for me. I missed my February marathon and couldn't even walk without a limp when I should have been racing it. I can’t manage to stay healthy – between viruses and injuries (both minor and more significant). I push push push to get faster, but what I’m getting is inconsistent. I train hard and then I have to take time off. I push to get to race weight yet currently I’m heavier than I’ve been in 1.5 years. I take Melatonin to sleep better but I’m awake and stressed at 2 a.m. (mostly not running related but still happening).
Patience has never been my strong suit, but I must break this cycle. I am not going to expect anything this spring or summer. I have goal races in October and after, and that’s what I am going to work towards. That is a long time away and I want results now (and to run fast now, or rather, yesterday), so it’s going to be extremely hard. For me, it’s always been easier to over-train than to under-train. It’s always easier to push more and more, yet harder to back off. I am a perfectionist, and to see my pushing leading to my falling apart is super disheartening. I know I’m not alone in this as a competitive runner.
Right now, I hate my body for getting injured, for getting sick, for getting fat, and for not performing as well as I think it should. I want to punish it for these things. How about loving my body for what it can do instead of hating it for what it can't (or hasn't yet)? It's a novel idea for me, and definitely won't be easy, but seems like necessary goal.
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