Indy was Monumental: The race begins at 20

At mile 20 I was feeling optimistic, but each passing mile left me a little less so.  The wind was grinding on me and I wasn't running with anyone.  I slowly sucked down my final gel, and stayed positive in my self-talk.  There are rough patches in any marathon, and they can pass.

Around mile 22 a woman passed me looking very strong, and I told myself to go with her for the standard.  I stayed with her for awhile and it was helpful, but she pulled ahead (she would go on to finish in 2:45:15, oh so close!).  At mile 23 I was worried.  The wind was eating me up and I knew I needed a strong finish to get the standard.  Within a few miles I'd gone from wondering how far under I could be, to wondering if I could do it at all!

Although I was hurting, the miles were still passing relatively quickly, although not quickly enough time-wise.  I used every mental technique I'd rehearsed:

• "You are a sub-2:45 marathoner"
• Hebrews 12:1, Hebrews 12:1, Hebrews 12:1
• Thinking about how I'd closed strong when tired on training runs
• Thinking about my solid training and mileage
• Thinking about how I was so close
• Thinking about how I can do anything for 3 miles
• Thinking there was really only 2 miles left because the last mile takes care of itself
• Running only the mile I was in
• Just running to the next block, then the next, etc.
• Focusing ahead and working towards runners in front of me

I pushed my arm sleeves down and pulled my headband down to lower my body temp.  I did everything I could to maintain or pick up the pace, and while I wasn't looking at my splits I felt like I was slowing (spoiler: I was).  I was giving it my all, but at the mile 24 clock I was scared my all wasn't going to be enough.

Anything can happen in a race, so I kept pressing on, even when the math wasn't in my favor.  I went back and forth with another woman several times in the final 2 miles, which was helpful for both of us.  We were both hurting but at one moment she would be stronger and pull me along, then at another I'd be a little stronger and pull up in front of her.

I think I was trying for a double chin pose
here, hah

The face of someone who knows she only
fit 26 miles into the time she needed to fit
26.2 into

By far the most disheartening moment of the day was when I passed the mile 26 clock at 2:44:50.  I'd made it farther than I ever had before in 2:45:00, but I hadn't made it far enough.  I continued to give all I had to get the best PR I could, but it was bittersweet coming in.  Victorious, yet defeated.

The women finishing steps behind me  helped me a lot during this race!

I crossed the line and was overwhelmed by numerous physical and mental sensations.  Thrilled to PR in tough conditions, proud that I left it all out there, heartbroken that I came up 68 seconds short, completely spent, and pretty nauseous (I dry heaved for a few minutes after finishing, which hasn't happened to me before).  There really are no words for everything I felt in those moments, but all I was sure of was that I gave it my all.

If I'd have gotten the time I would not have been content with
this clock photo, hah

Possibly about to dry heave

Also about to dry heave

The next in the obsessively details recap series is here.