Name: Amy Wachler
Age: 32
City/State: Boston, MA
Occupation: Marketing Manager
Hobbies/Interests outside of running: spending time with friends and family,
shopping and anything related to fashion and styling/design, swimming, cycling,
yoga, reading, traveling and sleeping!
Background info:
I grew up
swimming competitively and I just loved working hard and the whole process of
training. I remember watching the 1996 Olympics and being so mesmerized and in
awe of what those athletes could achieve. I had to stop all sports when I was
13, though. I started restricting food when I was 7 and was diagnosed with
anorexia at the age of 9, which is pretty young to be diagnosed with an eating
disorder. What followed were many, many doctors, therapists and three intensive
inpatient treatment center stays, and some overall pretty terrifying years just
fighting to make it. It took about 5 or 6 years to get healthy enough to where
I could start exercising again, and when I did had no interest in competitive
sports because I think I felt like I had failed in a way, having never really
accomplished what I wanted to with swimming.
When I found
running, almost accidentally and with no specific agenda other than doing
something I loved, it was an outlet to process a new chapter of my life and my
health after so many years of struggle. It was also a conduit to finding peace
with my body and learning to appreciate it for just staying alive and fighting
through years of treating it so poorly. I couldn’t believe I could run 26.2
miles and feel so alive and connected to my body in a healthy and invigorating
way. I’m not sure if I understood it
then but I think it was almost meditative for me – a time when I fell into flow
with the rhythm of my feet and was able to focus on one single thing, rather
than constant screaming voices in my head that I had eaten too much or wasn’t
small enough. Running brought me freedom. But at that point it was also a bit
intertwined with my eating disorder and I think I thought I could get away with
training hard and still not really taking care of myself. I had a lot to learn.
When did you first decide to go for an
OTQ?
I don’t remember
exactly when I learned about OTQ’ing or decided I wanted to go for it, but it
was a couple of years after I moved to Boston and had started to taking
marathon running seriously. I ran my first marathon in 2010 (Chicago) on a whim
for fun with absolutely no plans or real training and I had the time of my
life. I qualified for Boston but even then, didn’t really know when it was or
understand the history and significance of it. I was really just learning what
it meant to be a runner and cultivating a new identity as an adult and separate
from the eating disorder. I ran a few more marathons based on when I felt like
it or when I had friends who wanted to run them with me, or we’d make it a trip
to see a new state and I’d run a marathon there for fun.
Once I moved to
Boston in 2012, I really fell in love with the sport, training and got the bug
just from living in the middle of such a running mecca. I’m a perfectionist and
pretty hard on myself, so I tend to go all-in whenever I commit to something. I
ran my first Boston in 2013 and I think that going through that experience, the
incredible joy and high of running it for the first time, juxtaposed against
the absolute terror and sadness of the bombing just a few hours later, ignited
a fire that was already burning in me to run brave for, and in this city, and
to find strength and inspiration in the sport. In 2014, I ran 3:06, just three
weeks after running a 3:09 at Boston. I was in my late 20’s and had only been
running competitively for about 4 or 5 years and was working with a
well-respected coach in Boston who believed in me and that I would run sub-3
that Fall. As I celebrated with my parents on Boylston in 2014, having just run
a PR and also feeling such hope and love for the city one year after so much
suffering, I whispered my goal of wanting to try to run 2:45 by 2020. That was
six years away and based on the progress I was making, seemed achievable.
Races attempted to OTQ at and the
outcomes:
I was after 2:45
before I was under 3 hours, and I that was the first problem – I was so focused
on a long-term goal that I wasn’t training with the patience and respect that it
takes to tackle it one step at a time. When you combine that intense drive
toward a goal with a body that really didn’t have the necessary experience and
strength to handle so many marathons so quickly, it’s a risky setup.
I believed I was
far enough into recovery to run fairly high mileage and add in a ton of cross
training, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t eating enough, I had never gotten a period in
my life, and by 2015 I was getting injured almost every fall and had to keep
pulling out of marathons, or wasn’t able to run them at my full potential. I
was able to stay in shape swimming and biking, and I would come back, build to
the point where I could run a race and then really start training, but then six
months later something else would pop up. It’s infuriating, heartbreaking and
if I’m being honest, some of my injuries and the mental and emotional pain they
brought on was just as hard as fighting my eating disorder.
There was shame
in admitting that I had six stress fractures in four years or wasn’t coming
anywhere close to what I had said I wanted to do. I watched as women I used to
beat in races broke three hours and then OTQ’d, and that was really hard to see
at times. But everyone has a different path in life and once I learned how to
stand back and look at things objectively, I realized that I actually have come
far and my body has already allowed me to do some incredible things, almost
given me a second and third and fourth chance. If I wanted to capitalize on
those chances and see what was really possible, I had to slow down,
reprioritize and trust the process. It hasn’t been easy and there have been
many hiccups along the way, but I’m learning how to train and race with more
compassion for myself and joy along the way.
What did you gain from this journey/what
are you most proud of?
I’m proud of
myself for how I have stayed the course on my own path to recovery and success
in the sport. I feel like I’m finally at a place where I am having fun with
running and just trust the process. I learned that sometimes, you have to ask
more questions when certain doctors tell you that you’ll never get better or
that there’s nothing left to try anymore.
I know in my gut
that I’ve got what it takes to run well, but more than anything I want to run
FREE and happy. I think I learned more about what it really means to take care
of yourself, both physically, emotionally and spiritually. How critical
nutrition and rest are for any type of progress – in my career, my
relationships and in sports. And I learned how to be in recovery from an eating
disorder as an adult, which is very different than when you are young.
The last couple
times I’ve come back from an injury, it’s been with a healthier mindset and
with the help of the right team of coaches, therapists, nutritionists, strength
coaches and an overall kinder and more mature version of Amy. I also faced some
big fears in my recovery and learned that I could handle them and that I
couldn’t run well if I didn’t take care of that first. It’s still a battle
every day to make sure I’m giving my body what it needs and turning down the
radio dial on the voices that tell me I failed or am not thin/fast/whatever
“enough”, but it’s worth it, because on the other end of those challenges is
the ability to run and LIVE the way I want to.
Do you have any regrets or things you
wish you’d done differently in your OTQ pursuit?
Sometimes I
regret that I didn’t slow down at first and take better care of myself when I
started running. I wish I had not tried to push mileage and jump so high that I
broke myself many times over. But I also believe things happen for a reason and
that I needed to learn the lessons I did before I could achieve big goals. I
needed to learn to take easy days easy, that it’s okay to not run a marathon
for a year, that food is fuel and no foods are “bad” and that guilt is a waste
of energy. I needed to learn that we ALL go through these challenges and that
it’s okay to struggle. I needed to learn the “why” behind my running.
What message would you like to send to
those following your running pursuits?
Even if I never
achieve certain time standard, I’m proud of what I’ve learned and beyond
grateful to just be able to live a happy and healthy life. Never count yourself
out despite what you’ve been through in the past.
Tell us something unique about you.
I lived in
France for six months during college, traveled to Africa twice and India four
times.
What’s next?
I’m slowly
building toward a spring/summer marathon at Grandma’s. My number one goal is to
stay healthy and have fun with it. Last fall I had two injuries that ended up
helping me realize I had some stuff going on with my gut that needed attention,
and it’s been a huge blessing in disguise because I’m feeling so much better
and as a result, running much better! I work with a wonderful, smart,
crazy-talented and incredibly supportive coach who believes in me and has
helped me cultivate a sense of confidence in myself I never had, and I know in
my heart that will take me to new places. But regardless of the outcome, I hope
my story helps others feel inspired, connected and never alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment