"Don't look back. You can never look back."

On December 13, Facebook and my friend Jamie reminded me that it had been one year since I ran the Dallas Marathon.

I feel like the 2015 Dallas Marathon was about 5 years ago and about 5 weeks ago both at the same time!  It’s a vivid recent memory, but so much has happened since then.  Dallas did two major things for me (and a million other significant things, but you don't want to read a post that long):  1) lit even more of a fire under me to train, and 2) made me more appreciative of my 2016 marathons (obviously, that part didn't happen until later).

Dallas was the first time I tried to run a sub-3:00 marathon.  Spoiler alert:  I didn’t.  I went into the race feeling confident that I could do it.  I’d run a 1:24 half marathon -- a 2.5 minute half PR -- during my training build-up, I'd run a 3:06 training marathon that felt easy 6 weeks before Dallas, and all of my training times were faster than they had ever been before.  I was in so much better shape than when I'd run my then PR of 3:03:47.  I had Jamie to pace with, after running countless long runs beside her, and I felt good about my goal.

In retrospect, I think I was in good enough shape to have squeaked under 3:00 on a good course and a good day.  Dallas wasn't that; the course was average and the weather was windy, rainy, and too warm.  I still went for it, and I was right on pace (6:50 average) until the final 3 miles.  Each of those was progressively slower (7:14, 7:42, 8:12), and as someone who typically paces well and negative splits marathons, this was really hard for me to stomach.  With each step, I could feel my sub-3:00 slipping further and further away, and there was nothing I could do about it; at mile 23 I knew it was unlikely, at 24 I knew I'd lost it, and at 25 I knew I was going to be lucky to rally for a 3:01 and had to hold back tears of disappointment (I finished in 3:01:45).

It took me a long time to get over missing a sub-3:00 in Dallas; in fact, I'm not sure I ever got completely over it.  I never knew I could be so unhappy with a PR.  When I set a goal, I do everything I can to accomplish it, so I knew I would keep trying until it happened.  I also learned that I had to be in good enough shape to get under 3:00 even on marathon days without optimal conditions.  And, I did - twice.  I knew I had it in me, even if no one else did. 

I looked back at Dallas a lot before running Prairie Fire, and maybe that was a good thing and maybe not.  I see both sides:  we should not look back because we can't change our pasts, but we should look back to learn and improve ourselves.  I guess it's a balance.  I don't regret Dallas in the least; I had an amazing trip with Jamie and Jon, I got to run 22.5 miles with Jamie as she was en route to her first sub-3:00 and marathon win, I placed 2nd overall female in a large marathon, and I learned more about marathon training in the process.  The journey was certainly the reward!  And, one can only fail if one tries.  I am glad I tried.

Maybe if Dallas had yielded a sub-3:00, my 2016 would have ended up differently.  Maybe I needed to fail at my first sub-3:00 attempt to succeed in future marathons or to fully appreciate breaking that barrier.  Maybe I needed a lesson in patience and balance.  For whatever reason it happened, I know it was all part of the master plan, so I look back with appreciation.  However, I look forward with drive and excitement!  God in on the move in many mighty ways!