Big 12 12K: "Lord, be stronger than the weakness in my mind"

The short version:

Everything about this race was up in the air until I actually crossed the finish line - from whether or not the event would get canceled, to whether or not I was strong or dying, to whether or not I would take home a cash prize or $0!  The course was crazy hilly, the weather was tough, and I didn't have 100% in the tank post-marathon yet, but I gutted it out and was pleased with my result of 46:16 for the 12K.  This got me 2nd overall female (which was the same as a victory to me, as I had no chance at beating the winner, a 1:15 half marathoner), and a new single age state record for the 12K in Missouri.  I also won the biggest fight of the day, and that was the battle within my own head.

I looked as bad as I felt!

The long version:

Racing 2 weeks after a marathon is always a psychological game for me, but this race was really a mental trip due to weather and accompanying uncertainty!  In the 3 days leading up to the race, the race day forecast changed from cold steady rain, to ice and snow, to snow flurries, to a snow storm, and to the point I wondered if the race would even happen.  Add to that, the race was in Kansas City (2.5 hours away from me), and I was there for work on Friday but wondered if I should drive back home Friday evening before the Saturday weather came!  Even on the Friday evening news, the meteorologist said that there might be a dusting of snow or there might be 3 inches -- and that the forecast would probably change at the 10 p.m. news.  As someone who likes to know every possible detail in advance, all of this killed me!  Finally I gave up obsessively looking at my weather app, and decided that whatever I woke up to on Saturday morning would be what it would be, and if I got snowed in in Kansas City with my good friend Megan and her most adorable baby boy CJ, it would not be the worst thing ever.  I also had a back up plan to run a 15K time trial with Amy P. on Sunday, as she was in a similar situation with her planned 15K race on Saturday.  My race started at 10:00 a.m., another out-of-the-ordinary factor for me.

I woke up to see snow on the ground but clear roads.  It was snowing and forecasted to continue through the race, but the event was still on and everyone else would have to deal with the weather too.  I cleared the snow off my car and made my way to the starting line.  I then sat in the car with the heater running until I knew I could run my warm-up and basically keep running until the gun went off.  It was snowing, windy, and 'feels like' 19 degrees.  I raced in tights, which I very rarely do (but since I also recently wore them in the Christmas mile and "5K", I may not be allowed to say that anymore - how about I say I only wear them when it's under a 20 degree wind chill?!).

Yay?

I missed my garage a lot!

If race organizers ever have to disconnect this event with the Big 12 basketball tournament, I have a suggestion for a new race name:  The Big Hill 12K!  This was definitely one to run by feel rather than by pace due to the elevation fluctuations.  I'd looked at the elevation chart and some runs from the 2016 race on Strava beforehand, so I knew I was in for nearly 400 feet of elevation gain, including a really fast mile 6 followed by a really slow mile 7.  Before race day I'd planned to run for place, and not worry about my splits or time, and with the weather being what it was (hello, snow pelting me in the face!) that further confirmed that this was the best idea. 

I did my usual warm-up of running easy for a couple of miles, a half mile-ish of uptempo running, plyometrics, and a few strides, then continued to jog around until the race was about to start.  I ran my warm-up out on the course so I knew what to expect for the first mile, and my half mile uptempo pace variations further confirmed my plan of not looking at my Garmin or splits during this race (hello, 5:30 pace...hello, 6:45 pace at the same effort)!  I knew my fast friend Kim was running so I would be racing for 2nd overall (she runs marathons in the 2:30s and 10Ks in the 34s!), and the difference in awards for 2nd and 3rd was significant; i.e., $$ for 2nd, nada for 3rd.

The race also had a 5K, and the two races started together.  I lined up by Kim on the starting line and looked around at the other ladies towards the front with us.  There were several women wearing Kansas City Smoke jerseys, which is an elite KC-based team.  I knew who a few of the girls were, and I knew that they were all fast!  I thought to myself that I likely wasn't going to get any money in this one, then tried to look at bib colors to see who was running the 12K and who was in the 5K.  My parents came to watch the race, as they were picking up my niece in Kansas City for a spring break trip; they were so sweet to stand outside spectating in that weather!  I gave them my warm-up jacket a few minutes before the start.  My coach was also there, as Kim is his wife (a good testimony for his coaching is that he also coaches her!).

Professional photo of the start

As the gun time neared, I think everyone was just ready to run hard to get warm.  No one looks too excited in the photos my dad snapped!  As we were off and sorted out, I saw two KC Smoke gals out in front, then Kim, then two more KC Smoke gals who I thought I'd be pretty evenly matched with.  I settled in behind those two at what felt like the perfect pace for a 7.5 mile race.  The two races split just after the mile mark, and the two gals in front of Kim turned with the 5K so I knew Kim was leading the 12K and I was pretty much in a 3-way tie for 2nd.

After running the first mile just behind the two KC Smoke girls (Lindsey and Tara), I felt the pace was slowing so I went around them to pick it up.  They stayed right there with me, so then I started thinking that perhaps that was a bad idea because I'd put myself in a position to do the pacing work.  I didn't want to show weakness, though, so I kept plugging away, but I was conscious we still had a long way to run and we weren't exactly out for a Sunday jog!  I also had some uncertainty about whether or not I'd have enough in the tank to finish strong, due to being 2 weeks off of my marathon.  But at that point, I'd gone out as if I were going to have a strong race, so I wanted to continue as long as my body would let me!  After the first two miles, I don't think there was ever a time I felt really amazing, but I didn't feel completely dead mid-race either; unsure more than anything.

Around mile 3, Lindsey came up beside me, which was a relief.  We ran side by side for the next couple of miles, and exchanged a few words of encouragement.  Running with her was great, and since I didn't see Tara I figured we may have gapped her a bit, but then I would hear spectators say, "2nd, 3rd, and 4th ladies" so I knew she wasn't far.  While running with Lindsey, I kept going back and forth between thinking, "I'm strong, I can do this," and "I am going to die/This was too soon after my marathon/This is too hilly/I went out too fast/I feel like crap/maybe I didn't eat enough before for a 10:00 a.m. start", etc.  There was so much back and forth between confidence and self-doubt that it almost got ridiculous!  In retrospect, I am so glad I didn't look at my splits, because I think they would have screwed with my head even more!  Every time I would drift to negative thoughts (i.e., quite frequently), I would also think, "Lord, be stronger than the weakness in my mind," which really became my race motto and at many times was all I had.

Around mile 5 I was feeling alright about things for a hot second, when suddenly Tara came from behind to pass both Lindsey and I.  I did not see that coming!  I was able to cover her move, and in a split second I went from running beside Lindsey to running beside Tara.  She looked strong, so I knew it was going to be a tough push, but I wasn't letting myself give up.  I stayed right with her for a mile or so, and then at the bottom of the extreme downhill, she gapped me slightly.  I kept telling myself "Stay on her, stay on her, you can stay on her" while simultaneously thinking, "I can't, I'm dying, I'm going to lose her."

Then we started up the hill that was the entire 7th mile.  My body sure felt my marathon here!  One of the reasons I was nervous about running this race was because I knew how hilly it was, and I'd been struggling with hills during my marathon recovery.  The first week post-marathon, even minor elevation changes killed my quads on my little 3-4 mile runs, and during the second week I felt much better but could tell I was still weak on the hills.  I would have felt a lot better about running a flat race, and I'll tell you what is not ideal two weeks off of a marathon, and that is running a mile long hill that climbs 150 feet at the end of a 12K!  Oy!  I felt like I was running 9:00 pace up this thing, and also began resigning myself to 3rd; but at the same time I knew I would not give up; I will never give up.  I stayed at close as I could, and I could hear my coach yelling from one side of the road while running along the sidewalk, while 100 other people were yelling for Tara (which was the story of the whole race; the first few times I thought they said "Sara", but the "Go Lindsey and Tara" cheers cued me in).  I began thinking, "Oh, geez, this is embarrassing, I am dying flailing up this hill and Marshall can run this pace while cheering."  I also felt like any chance at 2nd was slipping away; I don't know exactly how far the gap between us was, and it was never that extreme, but for awhile it felt like miles.

Finally I could see the top of the hill, and I knew from there that we made two left turns and then went into the finish.  We were also close to the 7 mile mark.  Suddenly, I was gaining on Tara.  I started thinking that maybe I could still do it.  I can do anything for a half mile, right?  I wasn't going down without a fight!  I pulled up on her at the top of the hill, with less than a half mile to go.  Getting back on flatter ground, I felt better, albeit still dying, but like I could kick it in to make it happen.  I went around her as fast as I could.  I fully expected her to respond and that I was getting myself into a crazy sprint battle to the finish, and I was ready to do it.  She did not stay next to me, but there was still a long stretch to the finish - probably at least 0.3.  I found a gear I didn't even know I had and hammered with everything I could; I went to a dark place I'm not sure I've gone before (i.e., I thought I might pass out).  But I did it -- I finished in 2nd!  I ended up 7 seconds ahead of her at the line, so I didn't need to quite go into the coronary state that I did, but I didn't know.  The announcer announced me as the female winner, "with Tara ----- right on her heels", as he apparently missed Kim coming in -- but this was almost symbolic because it felt just like a win to me (although I feel bad that Kim wasn't recognized!).  I only know this was announced due to the video my dad took; I was comatose at that point!  I also kept running through the finish line to ensure I went over the correct mat (there were two), and didn't stop my watch until afterward because I just knew it would be my luck to get edged by stopping at the first mat or while stopping my watch.  I wish I had a video of the entire race, as it would have been an edge-of-your-seat viewing in my opinion.

Pain cave!

Clock shot, not the most clear due to the snow!

The ups and downs of this race made my 2nd place finish a huge victory for me!  I haven't had too many races with so many trade offs for place, nor have I had one come down to the final stretch like that for quite awhile.  I was so proud of myself for not giving up, even though I wanted to a thousand times; my mind was so weak at so many points during the race.  I'm a competitor, and I give everything I have on race days -- sometimes that's enough for a victory or PR, and other times it's not.  I believe we were all winners for getting out there and putting up a fight.  Those girls pushed me so much, and were also so kind at the finish.  I know it really could have gone either way; and I'm sure we will meet again to push one another to new places...although I'm not sure about going back to that dark place I went at the end of this race, bahaha!  

After the race, it was easy to think about the "battle" for 2nd place, but my biggest battle in the race was truly with myself.  My competitive spirit lives on though!

My 12K time of 46:16 was an automatic 12K PR since I'd never raced one before, although I feel pretty confident I could beat this time significantly on about any other course.  When I saved the run on my Garmin, it started beeping and telling me that I PRed in several distances (see below).  I am really ready to run a 10K, seeing as how I have now surpassed my official 10K PR in 4 longer races (2 halves, a 15K, and a 12K) and every tempo run over 10K that I've done recently.  Since the 12K is not a common distance, I also set the single age Missouri state record for age 36!

I haven't had a race that caused me this much or this type of stress going into it for awhile; I hate uncertainty and the weather gave me a lot of that!  I almost didn't show up at the starting line, as the decision to not go would have been one I could follow through on no matter what the weather did.  I am so glad I decided to give it a go.  It was really good for me to get in there and compete like that, and to show myself I could do it.  I didn't feel 100% recovered from my marathon (maybe 85%), but nothing hurt; mainly I could tell I didn't have the reserves that are usually there.   I came away from this one mentally stronger than I went into it, and that is another victory in my book.

Also, Jon is always very supportive of my running, but let me tell you how much more supportive he is when I bring home some cash...

Official results can be found here. A video of me finishing is here - I am in the red shirt and finishing at the beginning of the clip.  You can also see the snow coming down, the 3rd female coming in, and me doubling over in the finish chute.  Jon made fun of me because I ran way past the finish line, but as I mentioned I was making sure to run over both mats, and then I guess I was running too hard to stop on a dime; it is funny to watch though!

Crazy erratic splits

Who designed this course anyway?!  I'll tell you it wasn't someone 2 weeks off a marathon!

Strava continues to rub my current weak official 10K PR in my face