Hills & Valleys: Every runner feels this way sometimes

All runners know that running is symbolic of life for many reasons, and both have many ups and downs.  Most moments, in running and in life, are ordinary and normal -- nothing extraordinary, but nothing to complain about.  Because I enjoy running so much, even average normal base runs are typically really enjoyable for me, and I'm thankful that they are part of my normal ordinary life!

Most runners also know that it's physiologically impossible to be at peak all of the time.  You can train and race year-round, but if you really want to net your top performances, you need to choose goal races ("A" races) to target, and train for them using periodization techniques.  You can usually net some other really solid races ("B" races) during your build-ups, but you can't race your best year-round, and the more you race the more you'll need to designate "C" races -- and this concept is hard for me to accept!  I've come to terms with running some races as workouts/"C" races, especially if I want to run several close together, but at the same time I like to think I could jump in a race during any month of the year and be in PR form, even though no one can.

The beginning of 2017 went really well for me, with a half PR in January, a significant marathon PR in February, and a 10K PR on the last day of March.  I was able to hit the half during my marathon build-up without really tapering, then the marathon was my peak, and I got the 10K in off of my marathon fitness (I also had a 12K that went better than it should have 2 weeks after my marathon).  I am very thankful for all of this, but at the same time I'm a little greedy and would like to keep riding that fitness and building to bigger and better.  This spark is probably a good and a bad thing rolled into one.

April into May has been kind of mundane for me.  I'm not running badly by any means, and I am also very thankful I'm healthy, but I just haven't done anything I view as spectacular.  The Rock the Parkway half was fine, but it wasn't fantastic, and I've had plenty of workouts that I've hit but nothing I feel like I've really nailed.  Bronchitis stole my strength for awhile, and I think that's a big part of why I'm not feeling confident and strong right now.

I aim to be positive about running and life, but at the same time I want to be real and honest.  Basically, I'm not feeling very fit or fast right now.  I'm not running poorly, but I'm not having break-through performances, and I'm not feeling as peppy on my runs as I was a couple of months ago.  Combine that with my Never Satisfied Syndrome and with me being someone who is hard on herself, and it's not the best combination.

Some of this has to be a mental drag, because even though I'm not at peak I've had some solid workouts - a fartlek PR and a hill repeat best (both of which I mentioned here).  Some of my base runs have been sneaking in under 7:00 pace, which technically is a break-through.  I ran a maybe PR 5K on a tough course, but I just didn't feel like it was good enough. 

I'm getting caught up in it all not being good enough somehow.  Like, sure, that workout was fine and I hit my times, but I'd better be able to do that if I want to even think about training for a 2:45 marathon.  I should be able to run a much faster 5K than that if I want to run a 2:45 in December.  6:50 pace had better be easy.  Perhaps what's happened is that I've come to expect these things instead of celebrating them.  Instead of thinking, "Yay, I've never done that before" as I was a few months ago, I'm thinking, "I should be able to do that" or, worse yet, "I need to be better than that."

So I am working on giving myself some more credit and compassion; on being as kind to myself as I would be to someone else; on trusting the long-term process.  Not every day is going to be a break through.  Not every day is going to feel perfect.  But that's running, and that's life!  I'm human, but I'm a perfectionist, and those two things just don't jive.  I don't want my best to never be good enough; I want to celebrate each step!  I want to run joyfully, whether I'm running fast or slow!  I'll get my groove back, but in case you've felt this way please know you're not alone.

Running has its ups and downs, but it's important to remember that neither will last forever.

Illustration of my 2017

Addendum:  I wrote this post on May 9, but didn't publish it that day because I'd already posted about Breaking2 that day.  On May 10, I killed my mile repeat workout, averaging 5:40 (via 5:39, 5:42, 5:44, 5:37) for 4 x 1 mile road repeats.  For the first time in 6 weeks, I nailed a run AND felt really fantastic doing it!  I needed that; it was almost like it lifted a weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying around for several weeks.  I had a guy pal to run with, and I'd forgotten how much having someone along helps on these type of workouts, plus it was just a wonderful day.  This was a huge mile repeat personal best for me, and I think many things contributed, but one was writing this post.  I was no longer afraid of what my body would or wouldn't have to give; I went out there ready to do my best, to celebrate, and to run joyously!  Never discount the mental aspect of running.

I really needed this.