Age: 26
City/State:
Chicago, IL
Occupation: Store
Manager at Fleet Feet Chicago - Lakeview
Hobbies/interests outside of running: cooking and testing out new recipes, photography,
traveling, and writing
Background info:
My relationship with running changed tremendously over
the years. I struggled with eating disorders since 8th grade. I
missed school for inpatient treatment programs, in high school, and college.
Doctors told me that running wasn’t good for me, that I would never be able to
find a healthy balance. I needed to learn how to separate myself from being a
runner to someone that can enjoy life outside of the sport. After my last round
of inpatient treatment, I realized I needed to change. I had lost so much love
for running because I was mistreating my body. I was chasing times on the clock
just like the number on the scale, the number of calories I was eating, my mind
was consumed by numbers. It took me years to finally let go of a scale, the
pace on my watch, just eat whenever and not feel guilty about it. That time
spent away from running made me realize why I love it so much. Because when
your mind is racing, everything around you seems crazy, running brings you to
this feeling where you can focus on just being in the moment. And it feels so
freaking good.
I struggled through many injuries and setbacks during
college. A triple pelvic stress fracture, stress fractures in both my feet,
ankle issues, plantar fasciitis, I felt like I was always overcoming something.
When I finally took care of my body, things started falling into place. My
senior year in college, I finally made it a goal to qualify for nationals in
the 10k on the track. I remember going into a meet, falling short, and giving
it a shot at the next one. The weather was hot, I got cut short a lap, the pace
went out slow, every excuse in the book. I finished my collegiate career
healthy with so many goals left on the table, wondering what was next.
When did you start chasing the OTQ and what inspired you to
try?
After college, I decided I still wanted to train and have
a coach. I joined my DWRunning team and decided to move up in distance to
change things up a little. The Fall of 2016 after I graduated, I ran my
first half marathon at the Chicago Fall Half, and was the overall female
winner! It was such an incredible feeling, something I didn’t feel for such a
long time. Like my best was actually good enough. I then went on to run the
Indy Monumental Half Marathon just a month after that, 1.5 minutes faster, in
1:19:09. It wasn’t until this race when I really felt like I could attempt to
qualify for the marathon trials. Bigger miles, more consistent training, I was
ready to work hard.
Tell us about the races you attempted to OTQ at and the
outcomes:
Honestly I was scared to ever truly admit I was chasing
after the OTQ. It was always something in the back of my mind but kept going
into races just wanting to give my best. After Grandma's marathon in 2018, I
ran 2:49:20, and thought that maybe a 2 year window could lead me to
2:45.
My first real attempt at going after the OTQ was at the
Indy Monumental Marathon in 2018. Training was going really well after
Grandma's earlier that year. Unfortunately, I got sick just a few days before
the race, got on the starting line to give myself a shot, but dropped out
only a few miles in. While I had saved my body from any added stress, I woke up
the next day feeling like I had run a marathon. I was tired, mentally and
physically, but I wanted so badly to put my fitness to the test.
Just a few days later, I registered to run CIM. I wanted
redemption from a fluke race at Indy. Coming back was rough, little things
in my body started popping up, a tweak in my foot which turned out being cuboid
syndrome, then an IT band flare up on the other leg. I took it as a sign to
take a break and move forward. It was during this little break that I got my
period for the first time in 12 years. This is something I’m still learning how
to train with and get used to again.
I had registered for the 2019 Boston Marathon earlier in
2018 and wanted to have a fun race there. Fitness was coming along really well,
and my coach and I decided to really race it, but I didn't have the added
pressure because I had Grandma's Marathon as my goal race for the season. At
Boston, I ran 2:51. Went out on pace for the first 18 miles, I really thought I
was having an amazing day. I cramped up horribly and the last 8 miles of that
race were a slog. I finished and could barely walk, I've never been so sore in my
life. It took me about 2 weeks to recover from Boston and got right back
into training.
At Grandma's Marathon, I ended up running 3:09. Training
was rocky but I really thought I had a chance. I started the race and
immediately knew it wasn't my day. I don't know what it was but I didn't want
to drop out. I walked more times than I can count. My heart just wasn't in it,
but didn't want to give up on myself.
I was going to come back and run Indy again, but after
dropping out the year before, I wanted to do something different. I knew CIM
was fast, a lot of women were going to try and get their last chance qualifier
there, and it would give me time to recover, mentally and physically. For the
first time in over a year, I felt very confident going into the race. My long
runs and workouts were going better than ever, I felt strong, and I was excited
to race. Everything leading up to race day went so well, until race day
morning. I woke up with my period, my stomach was cramping so badly. I started
the race and after the first aid station, I got a horrible side stitch. Every
time I tried to take in water or a gel, nothing would stay down. I puked all
the way to 16 miles, before feeling totally depleted. I felt like I lost a huge
opportunity, and this was one of my last chances. I just got horrible luck.
A few days later, I decided I wanted to run Houston.
Regardless of the outcome, I just wanted to finish this journey feeling like I
gave it my best effort, I would regret not trying. I ended up running 2:50:20.
I ran most of the race with my teammate who went on to run a big PR, but I blew
up the last 5 miles. I was feeling so strong the whole race until the final
stretch running solo straight into the headwind. After I crossed the finish
line, it felt like my senior year in college. I didn't know what was next, and
I felt like I was chasing this big goal for so long. It was very
emotional.
What did you gain from this journey?
More than I can ever put into words. After my last race,
I really had to think, what does running the OTQ really mean to me? As I went
to Atlanta to watch the trials, this meaning really started to sink in. The
trials is a celebration of all the hard work we put in, it's a 26.2 mile
victory lap we get to celebrate with other strong women. The journey to get to
the trials was the most inspiring part, more than the race itself. We all have
our own story. We do everything we can to be our best and work towards being on
that starting line, and even if we don't, we can still celebrate the incredible
journey. I'm so thankful for all the amazing people I got to meet at races,
working towards this big goal. And whether we qualified or not, the support and
encouragement is unlike anything else. Most people won't remember times on the
clock, they just want to see you happy. If you love the process, success will
take care of itself, you just can't give up.
Do you have any regrets or things you wish you'd done
differently in your OTQ pursuit?
Not at all. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens
for a reason. Every race I ran wasn't a failure, it was another learning
experience. I feel like I'm stronger because of it. I'm healthy, able to train
consistently, and love my team and coach. Sure when something doesn't work, we
make tweaks in training and adjust, it's all part of the process.
What message would you like to send to those following
your running pursuits?
There are plenty of people that will tell you that you
need to change. That if you did things differently, you could be so much better.
But the truth is, you'll never find joy or success that way. Striving towards a
big goal comes with any challenges along the way. You don't have to be perfect,
but you can find something positive from every day. Remember that at the end of
the day, we run for the love of it. Do what makes you happy and don't worry
about what anyone else thinks, be true to yourself.
Tell us something unique about yourself:
I am obsessed with peanut butter, I eat it at least twice
a day. I am an only child, and have lived in Chicago all my life.
What's next for you?
I'm going to explore some ultra-marathon distances this
year. 50k, 100k, I love putting in the miles and very excited to try something
different!
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