Jumping January!

I took a jumping photo after my run on January 1, then #jumpingjanuary was born!  I didn't take jumping photos after my doubles, because twice a day Instagram posts seemed excessive - although let's be honest, once a day jumping photos became excessive too (I missed a few days, though).  My training partners and I enjoyed it though, and I sure learned a lot about jumping photography this month.

The final two are obviously not from this month, but are a couple of my favorite jumping photos!

Marathon Mania!

Ever since I started marathoning, I've typically either been marathon training or injured at any given point in time.  Therefore, it almost goes without saying that now that I'm not injured, I'm marathon training!

I am this excited about marathons!

I considered several options for marathons in 2019.  Much like real estate is all about location, location, location, marathoning can come down to timing, timing, timing!  There are some really good marathons in January and February (Houston, Arizona Rock 'n' Roll, BMO Mesa-Phoenix), but I didn't have enough time to train for those.  Then there is Boston in April, and my coach thought I should try to get into the elite field, but thinking about investing so much money and logistical inconvenience into trying to run Boston made me nervous coming off an injury (plus U.S. women's marathoning is so on fire right now, I don't really think a 2:47 would have gotten me in).  There really aren't any other obvious choices for fast marathons with thick fields in the spring, so in the end I landed on going back to Grandma's on June 22!  This will give me plenty of time to get back into top shape.  I loved the event and a lot of women OTQ there; really my only hesitation is due to the risk of warm weather, but I think every spring marathon has the risk of crap weather.

But June is an awfully long way away, and although I believe I need the time to get into PR marathon form, I don't particularly want to wait that long to run a marathon, especially since I missed CIM 2018.  I just love running marathons!  The inaugural Chisholm Trail Marathon on March 24 was one that had been on my radar this past fall, but I thought I'd only do it if I got the 2:45 standard at CIM, because I don't think I can PR there -- I just don't see it being a very large event so I would expect to be time trialing it, much like I did for 20 miles of the Prairie Fire Marathon, plus Kansas weather in March is volatile to say the least.  But I am currently in a different situation of not chasing a PR this spring, so I decided to run Chisholm Trail for fun/no time goal, then build from there to Grandma's.  There are 13 weeks between races so it works out pretty nicely to take a week off then do a 12 week build that doesn't start from scratch.  My training will be targeted at Grandma's, but Chisholm Trail will be a fun little checkpoint.

I also want to go back to CIM on December 8, which fits nicely into this plan.

I'm pretty pumped to get back to marathoning!

2018 Running Highlights

I recently read my Top 5 Running Highlights of 2017 when searching for my yearly mileage history list.  I was correct when I noted in that post that 2017 would be hard to top!  My 2018 running wasn't quite what I wanted, but I have a lot to be thankful for.

My Instagram Top 9 wasn't far off!

My Highlights Were:

With 3,047 miles, I ran my highest yearly mileage ever, surpassing my 2017 mileage by 4 miles (the 2017 mileage was a huge yearly mileage PR).  I had 8 weeks of mileage in the 80s, which before this year I had only done for 1 week, in 2017.  All other "normal" training weeks were in the 60s-70s; the weeks that were not that high were when I was tapering, recovering, injured, or returning from injury - the majority of those when I was healthy were in the 50s, but several were big fat zeros when I was injured.  I am pretty pumped that I managed a yearly mileage PR with 8 weeks of downtime, and I know I can improve it next year if I don't get injured.  I counted my AlterG treadmill miles in this total, which feels a little like cheating, but I did run the distance so I'm keeping them (my outside miles are around 160 less).

I ran a huge 10K PR.  Everything really came together for the Plaza 10K even though I did not rest for it or do any 10K-specific training.  Although I was extremely disappointed that my fall season was cut short, I am so thankful that I got this race in before I got injured.  I was thrilled to better my track best on a rolling road course, but more importantly it really showed me how well my body responded to consistent higher mileage training (higher mileage is all relative, I know 70-80 is nothing for some but it is the most I've ever done).  I'd been targeting running a 36:59 10K for over a year, but I really never thought I'd be able to run a 36:34 on the road.

I ran two solid marathons.  Although I did not accomplish my time goal in Houston, it was a great experience and I'm glad I went for it.  I am proud to say that my complete bonk/bad day marathon there was a 2:54.  Grandma's wasn't what I dreamed of when I selected the race, but based on how terrible I felt for most of the build up, I am proud that I pulled off a 2:49:08 and my second fastest marathon.  I sure hope I have more in me as far as marathon PRs go, but regardless I sure enjoy the training process and the races!

I set two Missouri single age state records, in the half marathon at Rock the Parkway and the 12K at the Big 12 12K.  Neither are great times, but they are currently the best a 37-year-old female in Missouri has managed.  I bombed nearly every run in the months leading up to those races, so even though I don't think I ran good times, I do think I ran really well compared to how I was performing in training.

I persisted.  In February, March, and April I had an illness and a slump (which was extra hard since I was coming off of several break-through performances in fall 2017), but I kept running every single day.  I raced beyond what my training said I should have in everything I raced for the first 6 months of the year.  I was injured in September, but I did everything I could to strengthen my weaknesses and to return to training.  I kept showing up!

I learned.  I learned how much consistent mileage helps my race times.  I learned to be more cautious about running when sick, and about running and racing on potential injuries.  I re-learned just how much I love the sport and how empty I feel without it.  I learned that my running friends mean the world to me.

I re-prioritized.  My biggest goal is to run for the rest of my life.  This is more important than any PR.  That doesn't mean my Big Goal has changed, just that it's decidedly second on the list, at best.

I was more thankful.  I still have a ways to go in this arena, but I did better.  I've always been pretty bad about wanting more and more, in running and in other aspects of my life.  Looking back, I haven't appreciated many milestones and PRs because I was already onto my next goal.  The first time I broke 3:00 in the marathon, I left the finish chute ecstatic but also thinking, "I can run faster."  I distinctly remember waiting for my flight at the Phoenix airport following my break-through 2:49 marathon emailing my coach saying I wanted to train for a 2:45, instead of relishing in the moment.  I wasn't nearly as happy about my 2:47 at CIM as I should have been, because it wasn't "enough" compared to a very specific cut-off time.  We rarely appreciate the moment enough when we are in it.  I regret that I didn't savor those moments, but this year I found more joy in my performance at Grandma's Marathon than in any of those marathons, even though it wasn't a PR.  I really let myself ride a high after my PR at the Plaza 10K.  I do want more, but if I never get more I will still find great joy in the process.  I am more thankful than ever now.

I helped others.  Whenever someone tells me that I helped them, I am reminded why I was given my passion for running.  I typically don't realize I'm doing it, but whether it's by answering running questions, giving training advice, encouraging others, inviting someone to join our group runs, listening to my friends when we run together, helping my local running club, or making individualized training schedules for friends free of charge, I have opportunities to give back often.  That has to be why God made me a runner.  I know I'll remember all of the people that running has brought into my life more than I'll remember any PR; however...

Bring on 2019 training blocks and goal races!  I have a long way to go to get back to my best fitness, but I'm ready to try!

Books in 2018 - Fourth Quarter

This completes my un-originally titled Books in 2018 Series.  The first quarter list can be seen here, and the second quarter list is here, and the third quarter list is here.

October:

• The War That Saved My Life by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley - My friend Liz recommended this one in one of her monthly reading lists, and it did not disappoint.
• The War I Finally Won by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley - Ditto about my friend Liz recommending this in one of her monthly reading lists and it not disappointing!
• Marlena by Julie Buntin - I randomly picked this one up off a library display, and it was a little slow at times but overall worth reading.
• The Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce - This reminded me of The Walk series by Richard Paul Evans and I loved it.  Some days I am so ready to set off on this type of journey myself.  I read about this one on Liz's blog too!

Reading in compression socks with legs
elevated = winning

November:

• Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer.  Maybe you should just consult Liz's blog for all of my reading list this quarter!  I don't always like nonfiction as much as fiction, because I read to "escape" sometimes, but this one was worth reading.
• The Truth About Twinkie Pie by Kat Yah.  I picked this one up from the youth section while waiting for Albani to pick our her books at the library, and it was one that could be enjoyed by any age (the main character is 12, but I sure remember what it was like to be a 12-year-old girl!).  It was almost a PG-rated version of The Sisters Chase, which I read in July.
• Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell.  This one was set in the Ozarks, by an author who lives in the area, although not the exact area where I live.  It was super cold while I was reading it, so the title seemed fitting.
• A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman.  Another one from Liz's blog.  At first I couldn't get into this book at nearly stopped reading it; I only continued because I'd read everything else I had checked out from the library and hadn't had a chance to go back.  But then it picked up and I loved it!
• The Christmas Bargain by Sarita Leone.  This was meh; I only finished it because it was short.

December:

• The Noel Stranger by Richard Paul Evans.  I put all of Evans's books that my library had that I had not yet read on hold so I could read them at Christmastime, and this was my favorite of the 4 I read in December.
  
• The Mistletoe Promise by Richard Paul Evans.  Another touching read!
• The Mistletoe Inn by Richard Paul Evans.  I'm a broken record raving about his books, but I will say this was one of my least favorites.
• The Four Doors by Richard Paul Evans.  This was a super quick read, and fittingly I read it on a Sunday when we normally would have been at church but were at home due to Albani having a projectile vomit-inducing stomach bug.
• Splitting Harriet by Tamara Leigh.  I wasn't sure if I'd like this one when I started it, but in the end I did.
• Lucky Alan by Jonathan Lethem.  This was a collection of short stories, and I struggled with the wording/phrasing of it.
• Give Me Your Hand by Megan Abbott.  This one was creepy, but I also recommend it!
• You Think It, I'll Say It by Curtis Sittenfeld.  This was a set of unrelated short stories.  I enjoyed the writer's style and plan to read more books by her.

I think in 2019 I'll just make a list of the books I read without elaborating.  I always give vague descriptions/recommendations because I am lazy I don't want to give anything away for someone who hasn't read the book, but I'm not sure those descriptions added anything!  One thing I learned from breaking my books down by month is that I read more when it's cold outside.

Treadmill Tricks

I typically avoid the treadmill; I just don't enjoy running on it like I enjoy running outdoors.  I made it through winter 2017-2018 running 7 days a week with only one run on the treadmill, on a Sunday when we were iced in at home.  I also did one run on the indoor track at the YMCA (7.5 laps = 1 mile, but I went for time so I didn't have to count laps!). Otherwise I found a way to get outside every day, through a combination of lunch break runs, screw shoes, and the right gear and strategies.

After my calf injury in September, I was able to return to running on the AlterG treadmill at 40% body weight about a month before I could run outside.  Although I will never love any treadmill, I sure embraced this one - because my other workout options were the elliptical, bike, and pool!  I ran most of my November mileage on the AlterG, and during that time I learned a few tricks.

I've always covered the treadmill display when forced on it by icy roads, leaving only the pace and incline uncovered so I can see them to adjust.  I've also always frequently changed things up with the pace and incline, plus on the AlterG I could gradually add a little weight throughout the run.  I listened to Pandora radio on all of my AlterG treadmill runs, and during many of them I would change something each song - up the pace, up the weight, or up the incline.  It would break things up to have something to "look forward to" at each song change.

The downside of having the display covered is that you have to uncover it occasionally to check your time/distance, and this was becoming a game for me; I was basically seeing how long I could go without checking and trying to gauge my time by other things (e.g., number of songs that had played, how much daylight there was outside, who was coming in the PT area, who was coming or leaving the adjacent gym)!  Then I started setting the timer on my phone to go off when the amount of time I wanted to run was up - and I never had to uncover the display again!  This quickly became my favorite treadmill trick.  I'd usually set my timer for an hour and run until it went off.  I did this on the elliptical when I was injured too!

I also think if you have to run on the treadmill, workouts always go faster than easy runs.  I like music over podcasts because I can zone out at times without missing anything, but the occasional podcast is fun too.  I would watch marathons on my DVR if I ran on my treadmill at home (I have the 2016 Olympic Trials Marathon saved and protected for such occasion!), but on the AlterG at most I could watch people playing basketball or doing bootcamp in the adjacent gym.  I mostly watched my shirt covering the display and the fan on the wall in front of me, hah.

One thing that is worse than treadmill running is no running.  There are times when the treadmill may be necessary for safety (e.g., winter weather, road conditions, lightning, traveling in a sketchy area) or because of other life obligations (e.g., childcare).  I don't plan to run on the regular treadmill at all if I can avoid it, but after so much time on the AlterG I now know I can make it through any ice storm the Midwest throws at me!

For as expensive as an AlterG treadmill is, the display is
decidedly unfancy

Letter to an Injured Runner

Hey you!  With the running injury.  You identify so much as a runner that you are currently calling yourself an injured runner to explain your lack of running.

We know that every serious runner has been injured, yet that doesn't make it any easier when you're the injured runner.  It's so easy to lose track of how it feels to be sidelined when you're not, no matter how many times you have been before.  The hole in your daily life seems ever-present.

This wasn't your plan, and you may never embrace it or even get beyond disdain for it, but it isn't about that.  It is about adapting to the new plan.  God's plan is better than anything we could dream up, even though it often doesn't feel that way, especially for us Type A planner runners.  When our plans don't work out, it's because He has better ones.  Trusting that is hard no matter how strong your faith.

But faith also means knowing that tomorrow will be better than today.  You'll be back there; never lose that faith.  It may not be tomorrow, or the next week or month or even year - or without false re-starts and bumps in the road - but you will get there.  Never stop fully believing.

It's okay if your belief falters sometimes though; don't feel guilty if this happens.  It's okay to not be positive at all times.  It's okay to mourn for the races you're missing.  It's okay to be disappointed as the DNSs accumulate.

It's lonely.  It's likely many of your closest friends are runners, and you're not seeing them as often since you can't meet to run, plus no one wants to talk about cross-training (including you!).  Maybe not running makes you less energetic and social too.  It's okay that as you become more and more excited about your friends crushing races, that you become more and more sad that you're not.

Other runners often say, "It's only running," but it's okay to disagree with that.  Sure, it IS only running, but it overflows into countless other areas of your life.

People tell you to do the things that you avoid when you're training, but maybe you realize that you don't feel like you miss out on anything at all?  You don't want to stay out late or have another glass of wine or go camping or skiing.  You want your normal routine and passion back.

People will say "enjoy your well-deserved rest" and "your body needs a break".  It's okay to roll your eyes when they turn away.  They have the best intentions, but they don't understand.

It's okay to feel bad about how upset you are about not running.  It's okay to think, "Who am I to be so distraught over this when so many people have so many bigger problems?" while simultaneously having a breakdown.

Big goals take big risks, and any time you are training for PRs you are riding the line between running your best and getting hurt.  Take what you learned about yourself and move forward.  Address your weaknesses; this will help your injury recovery plus it will also help your times later.

And finally, keep calling yourself a runner; you still are.

Signed,
A runner with injury experience

*A couple of posts that really spoke to me during my injury can be found here and here.

**I wrote this while was injured, but didn't hit publish until I began running again.  I had this fear that I might never run again and then what right did I have to tell anyone else who was injured anything?

I made this face most of the time I was injured

If I'd known then what I know now...

I'm not sure there is anyone among us who doesn't fantasize about going back to their past self with their current knowledge.  "If I only knew then what I know now."  The older we get, the more we realize how little we knew.  Although I've been a runner for a very long time, I spent most of those years clueless about what I was doing.

I began competing at age 11, with some success in junior high and high school in spite of never training properly.  I ran low mileage (20 miles per week or so), ran a lot of speed work year-round, and raced almost every weekend in events from 800 m to the 5K.  I was coached by some people who were really amazing, but who knew little about training distance runners, and back in my high school years of 1995-1999, there wasn't much easily accessible information out there about training - not to mention that exercise science has come a long way since then!

I managed to win a handful of Kansas high school state championships and an AAU national championship in the 3000 m, and was recruited to run cross country and track in college.  Fortunately I chose my college based on academic scholarships, because I ended up being injured in college much more than I actually ran.  I had several stress fractures and ended up quitting the team since I kept getting injured.  For many, many years I thought that my body couldn't handle more than 30 mpw, since trying to run 40-50 mpw had resulted in so many injuries, but now I know the problem was that I wasn't transitioned up to that mileage properly.  I needed to go from 20 miles to 30, then gradually to 40, then to 50, and so on (over years), instead of from 20 to 50.

I never stopped running after I quit running collegiately, but for a couple of years I was very cautious, typically only running 5-8 miles every other day with no racing and few workouts.  I wanted to run for the rest of my life because I enjoyed it, but resigned myself to the fate of never being able to put in many miles.  One of my friends talked me into training for a marathon with her when I was in my first year of graduate school, and I acquiesced but was extremely wary about getting injured doing it.  I did a minimal training plan (I think it was Runners World's beginners marathon plan), but I successfully ran 4 days a week and worked my long run up to 20 miles, while staying healthy, which was a pleasant surprise.  After that marathon, I knew I could run another one faster, a thought pattern that has continued after every marathon I've run since.

Although I've run many marathons (31), I didn't train properly for one until I began working with a coach at age 34.  Even for that one (Dallas 2015), my mileage was very conservative considering my goal; I peaked at 50 mpw trying to break 3:00 (I didn't make it, coming in at 3:01).  Since then I have gradually increased my mileage in a planned and measured way and had actual training cycles, and my PRs have gradually improved along the way.

All of this to say, I wish I'd have proper training from the beginning of my running career.  I wish I'd had a gradual mileage progression instead of minimal running (relative to maximizing performance) in my 20s.  I wish I had years of mileage behind me.  I wish I'd have periodization in my training.  I think I could have run much faster and prevented many injuries with simply appropriate basic training.  There is no way to know for certain, and maybe I'd have gotten burned out and quit running instead; perhaps how it turned out saved my love for the sport and increased my running longevity, in which case it is of course all worth it.

I also wish I'd have taken better care of myself overall in my 20's, namely eating better, sleeping more, not drinking alcohol, and taking care of body when injuries did occur.  I always got mad at my body for breaking instead of thinking about how I could best help it repair.

I know it's not productive to look back and wish I could change things, but I write this in hopes that someone who is like the younger me will benefit.  Recently I've been particularly reflective on this because I've started to worry that time is running out for me to make improvements and gains, due to the aging process (I turned 38 a couple of weeks ago - although I am excited to move to the masters category in 2 years).  Running really should be looked at in terms of long-term development in order to maximize potential for anyone, and I had no idea that this was the case until relatively recently.  It's great that we have so many resources online, and even information in podcasts and the mainstream media now.  If you're making your own training schedule, educate yourself well.  Be patient, increase conservatively, use periodization, train smarter not harder, and think long-term, and improvements will come!

30 things I learned in 30 days off running

Due to an injury, I was unable to run from September 30 through October 25.  Since then I have been running on the AlterG treadmill as possible (not every day).  I've had 30 days completely off running at this point, which has been quite rough especially when you consider that during the 15 months prior to this I'd only taken 5 days off, all right after the Houston Marathon (also during our worst snow/ice weather of that winter!).

It is hard to take a photo on the AlterG!

I am sure I learned much more than 30 things, but...

1. 30 days is a long time when days pass slower when you're unable to run.
2. Every runner understands how it feels to be an injured runner, but you lose touch with the feeling to some degree when you haven't been injured for awhile.
3. Not having a timeline is hard (the advantage of bone injuries over muscle and tendon injuries is a more definitive timeline).
4. My identity is tied to being a runner so much that this occurrence made me very concerned with how I will cope if/when the time comes that I cannot run anymore.  I truly don't feel like myself.
5. Running is truly a lifestyle, and it's my lifestyle.
6. I eat healthier when I'm running than when I'm not.  This has always been the case and I've typically cited a slump in my mood as my reason for reaching for many more sweet treats and desserts, but this time I realized it's also because I'm not thinking about how my fueling will effect my next run.  When training hard, I don't want to screw up a run by eating crap, but I really don't care how what I eat effects my next aquajogging session!  The same goes for recovery between workouts; I care a lot when I'm running but I don't care when I'm not.  I also realized I see a lot more food advertisements when I'm cross-training since I watch TV while on the bike and elliptical, which also may tie into this.
7. I'm in a better mood when I'm running than when I'm not (sorry everyone who was around me for the past 30 days - although I did better this round than in the past).
8. Confidence nose-dives quickly!  What a mind trip to go from PR-form to unable to run even 100 m., to see people you used to race with competing and feel that you will never keep up with them again, to see your fitness slipping away...
9. Goals are hard to let go of, and it's very easy to vacillate back and forth between "I'm going to get healthy and go get it" and "I'm never going to run anything worthwhile ever again".
10. Graston can be brutal, but hurts so good and has helped my injury a great deal.
11. I need sunlight in my life (once I could walk pain-free, I went on walks just to be outside...also, walking is slow).
12. Perspective rapidly changes; I went very quickly from wanting to hit 80+ quality miles a week to simply wanting to run an easy 3 miler.
13. With one workout obsession gone, I take up others (e.g., deciding I need to bike a certain number of miles, PR on my bike pace, hit a certain weekly cross-training duration, etc.).
14. Cross-training fatigue is different than running fatigue.  My legs and body felt very different with the lack of pounding.  I could workout for 2+ hours a day with interval efforts and still feel like I didn't do much.  Perhaps I'm not as good at pushing myself with cross-training, but even running very easy for 2 hours I'd feel like I'd exerted myself.
15. My spin bike time re-sets after 99:59.
16. Intervals make cross-training workouts pass much faster.
17. I still can't flip turn in the pool.
18. I can circle swim.
19. Swimmers think I'm crazy for swimming for 60-90 minutes non-stop.
20. I swim like a runner.  I have also been told I bike like a runner, although not this round because I did my bike workouts on my spin bike at home (I am fair weather/daylight only road cyclist).
21. I can aquajog for 2.5 hours straight.
22. I will get up at 4:30 a.m. to cross-train (I have previously said I won't get up at 4:30 a.m. to do anything besides run, but I stand corrected).
23. There will always be other races and seasons, but it is also okay to mourn for those that you've lost.  This wasn't my plan or how it was "supposed" to go, but it's what happened.
24. Being injured is lonely.  Running is my biggest social time!
25. Scrolling Strava sucks when you can't run.  Sorry for not giving kudos, friends.
26. The runner mentality never leaves us; I may not be able to run a mile right now, but you know I have over 10 races on my mind for 2019.
27. We often ask "Why did this happen?" about bad things that happen to us, but we don't ask it about all of the blessings we have:  Why did I have so many great runs and races?  Why do I have an amazing family?  Why do I have a job that provides?  Why do I have so much more than I need every single day?  You get the picture!  Who am I to complain when so many people are facing harder issues?
28. With any rough patch in life, it's important to remember that it will pass...the only way over it is through it.
29. Knowing that God has a greater plan doesn't always make hard times easier, but it always makes them do-able. 
30. 30 days passes before you know it.  It will likely be over 30 more before I'm "really" training again, but the thing about time is that is always keeps passing.

"Faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible." - Luke 1:37

You can find me on here for awhile

Sarah Hall has a similar injury to mine...this also made
me wonder if attempting full butt-nearly-to-the-ground
pistol squats (holding onto chairs on both sides)
contributed to my injury

The "U" Words

Upset, unhappy, unwell, unsettled, uncomfortable, uncertain, unsure.

There are many words that begin with U that describe how I feel about my current injury.  In general, I don't think runners deal well with not running (I sure don't!), and forced time off is far worse than a planned recovery period.  I struggle with not having a definitive timeline for my return to running.  I will start back when my peroneal muscle is healed, however soon or later that occurs.

My mom has an app that finds photos that go with
specific verses, & it is on point!

Initially, at Indy I was sure the injury was season ending.  However, in the 3-4 days right after race, I had dramatic improvements each day, progressing from being unable to walk without holding onto something/someone to being able to walk normally with only slight tightness.  Prior to Indy, my calf bothered me just as much while walking as it did while running, so once I could walk normally I was quite hopeful.  I also had it looked at twice that week, along with Graston and ART treatments, and my chiropractor (who is also my coach) said it was much better on Thursday 10/4 than it had been on Monday 10/1.

I made an appointment to run on the AlterG treadmill on Monday 10/8, sure that I would be able to run on it at a reduced percentage of body weight.  I thought I'd possibly run on it all week, or maybe even alternate runs outside with runs on the AlterG.  I calculated how far I could run during my appointment and even took an hour of vacation from work so I could go in late, since the AlterG isn't open until 6:30 a.m.  I knew I was hard up when I was super excited to run on a treadmill!

When I began running on the AlterG, I had a very abrupt rude awakening.  It was extremely painful.  I adjusted the body weight down farther and farther, hoping for relief, but it hurt just as much at 10% as it had at 80%.  I thought maybe it would loosen up so tried to run for a bit, but pulled the plug at 1 mile.

That was when I truly knew my season was over.

I know I still have time before CIM, and I could probably still run it; but I was never going just to finish another marathon.  I can't miss as much training as I'm going to need to and have a chance to PR, so it is better for me to take all of the time I need to heal and to then select a different marathon based on when I'm able to resume training.  That is also probably smarter long-term, marathon time goals aside, because I'll truly be able to get this muscle back to 100% without rushing back into training.  I want to run a 2:45 badly, but I want to run for the rest of my life a million times more.

There have certainly been tears and stages of grief, and I sure don't deal with work and life stress as well when I'm not running!  But I've learned lessons from this already, and I don't regret the training that I put in one bit.  I loved the day-to-day process, and I would train even if I never raced.  I did things in training I never thought I could do.

I did most things right.  I followed my training schedule well, I ran consistent mileage week after week - you're more likely to get injured when you're inconsistent with your mileage or increasing mileage, and I didn't do either - I mostly sat at similar mileage week after week.  I stretched and foam rolled daily, often twice.  I strength trained twice a week.  I ate nutrient-dense foods and took care of my body the best I could.

My best wasn't enough, and I realize that I made some mistakes (more about that here).  In particular, I need to be more careful about running when I'm sick, and I need to listen to my gut instinct about taking days off.  If I truly don't want to run for a few days in a row or get nervous about runs that should be insignificant, that is a major indicator that I need to back off before an injury occurs or worsens.  I also need to work on sleeping more, but I have a very difficult time falling asleep and staying asleep, which oddly enough gets worse the more active I am (I also don't want to take sleep meds, although I use Melatonin a few times a month).

Perhaps I should not have run the mileage I was running, but I don't regret taking that risk either.  I'm not going to OTQ without running higher mileage than I've done before.  I felt so strong during my build, and I felt like I was handling the mileage extremely well, until suddenly one muscle wasn't.  I am still proud I ran what I did; for 8 weeks (July 30 to September 3) I averaged 78.3 miles per week.  This paid off with a big 10K PR and will help me in my next marathon build.

I'm not sure what's next, but I'll select another marathon once I'm back on the road.  I am sad that CIM 2018 isn't in the cards, because I truly thought it was my best chance for the 2:45, but I suppose CIM will be there in 2019 too!

"The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it." - 1 Thessalonians 5:24

I am trying to think of positive U words, which is a little harder...  Uplift,  unconditional, ultimate, unstoppable... (although maybe unfit - as in, lost fitness - too!).

The "I" Word

Injury.

At least the tape looks fun!

If you read my Indy Women's Half race report or my September monthly recap, you know I'm injured.  I used to consider myself a highly injury-prone runner, but I have been very healthy since my last injury (which was relatively minor) in January 2016.  I've had niggles that I've been able to address with foam rolling and strengthening, or at most an ART session, but overall my body has done really well, especially considering I've been running by far the highest mileage I've ever done.  The longer the injury-free streak, the easier it becomes to start feeling immune to injuries, and I admit I was there, especially because I haven't had any injuries while training with my current coach. 

My current issue is a peroneal muscle strain.  The pernoeus is two muscles that run alongside the outside of the calf and act as stabilizers.  Strains in them for runners are usually caused by overuse.

It started at the end of August with a hamstring niggle.  When I'm building up mileage, I sometimes get a little niggle in my right hamstring, which I've been able to resolve without too much effort each time it has occurred (this was the third time, and I've never needed even a day off for it).  August was the highest mileage month of my life, and I had the little issue with my hamstring that I was able to train and race through from the end of August to the beginning of September.  While I was addressing that, I felt a little twinge in my left calf, and chalked it up to all being part of the chain.  My hamstring was 100% back to normal by mid-September, but the calf twinge hung on.  It was very minor and most of the time I didn't feel it, so I figured I'd up my eccentric calf raises and foam rolling and it would be just fine.  I am super in tune to my body and notice anytime anything doesn't feel perfect, but have also learned that most of those tiny things go away within a few days with no training adjustments.

The week of September 17, my calf became somewhat more bothersome, but it would always loosen up after I'd run a few blocks or at most a mile.  I became more aware of it, and the first time I became pretty concerned about it was after my long run that week.  It felt fine during the run but afterward was not happy.  It was also angry after I spent all day on my feet that Saturday.

The week of September 24 (the week leading up to the Indy half), my calf continued to bother me and I didn't enjoy my runs because I was worried about it.  Race week went like this:

• Monday - I had ART on it, because I wanted to be extra proactive since it was race week, and because I planned to jump right back into training post-race.  
• Tuesday - It slowed me down during a run for the first time.  I also wasn't feeling the best, and after I completed my track workout on Tuesday morning, a full-blown stomach bug hit me and I was unable to keep much nutrition or hydration in that day.  The worst symptoms of that abated within less than 12 hours, but left me depleted.
• Wednesday - I felt weak and hadn't recovered from Tuesday's workout, but I ran anyway because I didn't want to miss the mileage, and because it was a much shorter than usual Wednesday run at 7 miles.  This was the first run my calf hurt throughout and at the end, but it was still minor and mainly just tight feeling.
• Thursday - This was the second run it hurt throughout and at the end, but I hoped that the reduced volume of my 3 day taper would resolve it.  It also didn't seem any worse when I ran strides than when I was running easy.  I went in for ART again and my coach also taped it up and told me he didn't think I'd have any issues racing with it since it is a stabilizer and not a major muscle.
• Friday - I only ran 3 miles plus strides, but it felt about the same or slightly better.  I wore compression socks and elevated it most of the ride to Indy, hoping for the best.
• Saturday - You can read about that here, as well as more about my reasoning for refusing to DNS or DNF, but after this race running on it (or even walking) was no longer an option.

Looking back, I wish I'd have stopped running after Tuesday's workout and illness.  Maybe if I'd have taken days off then it wouldn't have worsened.  Clearly I shouldn't have raced either, but I think being unable to recover from Tuesday's effort (due to lack of nutrition and lack of sleep when I was uncomfortable and sick) really hurt it.  It felt markedly worse on Wednesday than it had before then.  Historically, I've had other injuries that came up following running while sick.  However, I pretty much always run when I'm sick (not that I'd advise this!) and 95% of the time I'm fine.

I've also read that most injuries come 2-3 weeks after training errors, and the main error I see looking back was not sleeping enough.  Training as much as I do while being a full-time working mother, I never sleep enough, but the week I traveled to and raced two 10Ks early September I missed a lot of rest.  I know I am pushing the envelope with the mileage I'm running, but I also believe I need it to have a chance at accomplishing my goals.  I think I can handle the mileage in itself, but when you combine the mileage with working 45-50 hours a week, big events every weekend, lack of sleep, family life, etc. it is a lot.

Initially I was in so much pain that I was convinced my season was over.  However, each day I've made improvements, beginning even the day after the race, which was a pleasant surprise - with how bad it felt on Saturday, I fully expected to be unable to get out of bed on Sunday, and was highly concerned about whether or not I'd be able to get around at work the next week.

Right now, I am still on the road to CIM, so I have cross-trained too much a lot this week, at minimum trying to match what I'd be running each day.  Starting with 90 minute workouts on the bike and in the pool has been interesting, since I hadn't done either for almost 3 years!  I am also working on my glute medius weakness, which may have contributed to this (even though I was doing diagonal sits and clamshells with a band like crazy before this occurred!).  I am not sure I will be able to run CIM, because I'm not going just to finish a marathon -- but I'm not sure I won't at this point, so I am working to maintain fitness with abandon.  Although I miss running like crazy, it's been nice to have a clear direction on whether or not I should run; the week before the race I felt very unsure about what to do every single day and it caused a lot of stress and anxiety.

[Follow up post about my exit from the road to CIM is here].

I'm by far the most at peace I've ever been with a running injury.  I've always have very little stress about things that cause many people much stress (e.g., finances, world news, job interviews, etc.) because I trust God so much, but this is actually the first time I've been able to fully and completely feel that ways about time off running.  I trust that it will all go as it should, whatever way that is, and I'll do the best I can along the way.  That doesn't mean there haven't been some serious lows this week or that I haven't been pretty moody at times, but I know I'll come out the other side.

I have amazing cross-training friends Monday
with bike shorts edition

I have amazing cross-training friends Friday
I-still-own-a-lap-suit edition

Indy Women’s Half: You don’t know, until you know

Sometimes it’s difficult to know whether to toe the line or DNS. It can be even harder to know when a DNF would be the best call. I now know I should have made the first choice about the Indy Women’s Half Marathon, but if I had to start the race again I would have made the second choice, pride and other considerations aside. But I’m getting ahead of myself...

Expo fun

After I PRed at the Plaza 10K at the beginning of the month, I felt really good about trying for a half PR in Indy. Typically I don’t have to slow down much from a 10K to a half; last year my differential between the 2017 Plaza 10K and the 2017 Indy Women’s half was 8 seconds/mile. To hit my big goal time of sub-1:20 at Indy, I could slow down about 14 seconds/mile from what I ran at this year's Plaza. I felt really good about going for that, and thought if the weather was good and I could get in a fast pack that 1:18:59 would be realistic.

Leading up to the race, I felt a niggle in my calf (full details about this here). Initially it was too tiny to even worry about, and loosened up after a few blocks or at most a mile into my runs, but 6 days before the race it started getting worse and I started worrying. I did not enjoy my runs like usual during race week, because I was worried that my body was betraying me. I also had a short but intense stomach bug on Tuesday during race week that certainly didn’t do my recovery or body as a whole any favors. I had ART for my calf twice during race week, hoping for relief.

I really vacillated on whether or not I should start the race, and had pretty much backed out, but the lightened up mileage of race week had me feeling like a race horse and I became optimistic that I could race and then take a few days off afterward to address the issue. On Thursday morning I told my parents my decision to race, since they were traveling to my home that day to leave for Indy with me on Friday morning. When I went in for ART on Thursday evening my coach told me he did not think racing on it would make it worse or that it would jeopardize CIM in any way, so I felt validated in my decision. He didn’t even think I’d need time off afterward as I expressed. He said it was a minor strain to my peroneus longus, a stabilizing muscle on the outside of the calf. I also rationalized it away by deciding that if this turned into a season-ending injury, I would be happy that I went to Indy to go for a PR because I might never get to my current fitness level again. Worst case scenario, I wanted a last hurrah.

Throughout this time, my instincts were screaming at me: “Don’t do it! This is a bad idea!” I wouldn’t listen; I told myself I would power through the pain, mind over matter. I was honored to be featured as one of the Five Women to Watch in the race, but this honor also greatly contributed to my stubbornness about a DNS. I was already printed in the race program; what a loser I would be for pulling out last-minute. The weather forecast was also perfect for racing, at 50* and light wind (bad weather would have made pulling out much easier).

The photo of me was NOT the one I submitted to be
published, & IS the worst photo of me from the
2017 event...not sure what happened there, but it
upset me the day before the race

Starting photo from 2017 - can you find me?

Posing with bib #3

My sweet mom

My sweet dad

Race morning my calf hurt on my warm up, but I was used to the feeling from the week before. It wasn’t terrible and I figured I’d just power through. Prior to this race, I'd never really tried to race with an injury so didn't know the reality of your body simply not allowing it to happen, no matter what your mind says. As the race started, adrenaline took over, and I told myself, “See, you’ll be fine.” I could tell I was running tentatively but thought maybe it would warm up more and I could speed up then; I wanted to go out conservatively and negative split anyhow. I felt like I was in my own little world, just me and my calf, not like I was in a race; although I knew by mile 3 I’d moved up to 5th place in the all women's field. I looked at my first 3 splits and then stopped checking them, disheartened, because my leg wasn't working right.

Trying to stay optimistic pre-race

Start

By mile 4 I was limping. I couldn’t focus on racing or the women ahead of me; all I could think about was my leg. I tried changing my stride slightly, varied my foot-strike, anything for some relief, but nothing helped. I went back and forth between telling myself “this was a terrible idea” and “you’re going to be just fine, it’s just getting warmed up, just don't think about it.” My body was fine otherwise; I wasn't putting out a race effort, which was discouraging. I kept telling myself to toughen up; to just power through. Mind over matter. Make that leg work; force it to feel normal.

I made it through the halfway turn around in a solid 5th place. I knew by that point that my sought after PR was for sure out the window, but I hoped I could stay in the top 5. By mile 7 I was becoming increasingly concerned about my calf, and by mile 8 I was truly dragging my left leg along. My body kept saying, “just stop” but my mind wouldn’t listen. I thought about my seeded race ranking. I thought about my parents who’d traveled to watch me. I thought about how this could be my last run for awhile...what if this was my last race ever?!

Mid-race

By mile 10 I was truly worried my leg was going to give out with each step. My body begged me to stop, and my mind acquiesced that I would if I couldn’t hang on to a top 10 spot. I stumbled along, and a slight decline in mile 11 truly made my leg scream (had this course not been so flat I would certainly not have finished). At mile 12 I was still in 5th but I could tell someone was coming up on me. I knew I’d have no response when I was passed. She blew by me like I was standing still, and I figured several more were coming, but there was nothing I could do, and I was so close I knew I'd finish even if I crawled it in. Effort-wise I felt like I was out for an easy run, but my leg was shooting pain and wouldn’t move any faster. My positive splits told the story of my increasing discomfort.

I was so relieved to see the finish line ahead; I was going to make it in. It's funny how adrenaline carried me to the line but not a step farther. I had no idea what my time would be, but it didn’t matter at that point. I crossed in 1:24:18 and immediately broke into tears. If I’d just had an off day and run this time it would have been quite disappointing, but it wouldn’t have shaken me in my pursuit of a marathon PR; my recent 10Ks showed me my fitness was at an all-time high. I cried because at that moment I was certain my season was over. I got my last hurrah race but I couldn’t show my fitness in it. I was too stubborn to quit but not stubborn enough to over-ride my own body; I couldn’t force my leg to be okay.

Exactly how I felt photo 1

Exactly how I felt photo 2

Finally!

Hindsight is 20/20, and I should have listened to my own body and head instead of what others told me. The whole week my gut told me no. I prayed about it and thought God told me no. I did it anyway. I was wrong. But I also didn’t know until I knew, and by then the damage was done.

Post-race I couldn't walk without holding onto someone or something. My cool down mileage wasn’t an option, and my dad ended up walking to the car and coming back to pick me up. To add injury to injury, my poor mom tripped and fell while trying to get from the start to a spot a few blocks away where we would later run by. She scraped and bruised her face, broke her glasses, and bruised up her knee and body. I was just sick about this happening to her; I felt like it was all my fault for not staying at home in Missouri like I clearly should have. Instead of having fun in Indy post-race, we headed home since we both couldn't really walk.

Most of the top 10, in no particular order

Winnings

We both visited the med tent for ice!

I’m thankful I was able to finish, even though I shouldn’t have. I’m thankful I held on to 6th (video of the awards here; official results here). Happiness is based on happenings, but joy is based on Jesus. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t very unhappy, but I am aiming to choose joy. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9

Going from running 80 miles a week to 0 is a huge mind-trip, but I know that is what I have to do until I'm pain-free. I’m not going to do anything to risk permanent damage. As much as I want to run CIM 2018 in 2:44:59, I want to run for the rest of my life so much more. The good news is that I've had significant improvements every day post-race, and no longer fear that this is season-ending (plus I was able to go to work on Monday then walk across the Missouri State campus to teach on Tuesday, both of which I'd been quite concerned about!).

I didn't know I shouldn't have run until I did...now, I know.

Post-race meal at Texas Roadhouse

Fitting rest stop on the drive to the race

2 days after the race while I was on the spin bike
my cat knocked my award on my workout room
floor...it felt sadly symbolic

Books in 2018 - Third Quarter

This continues my un-originally titled Books in 2018 Series.  The first quarter list can be seen here, and the second quarter list is here.

July:

• Another Piece of My Heart by Jane Green.  Green is a great author, and she is really good at making you like and/or dislike certain characters at certain points in books.  Put her work on your reading list.
• Falling by Jane Green.  A great read with some unexpected events.  Green's books seem to share some commonalities, including blended families, marital issues, addiction, adoption, 30-40-something main characters, betrayal, and forgiveness/resolution.
• Sociable by Rebecca Harrington.  This book made me really happy that I was married by the time I got a smart phone, hah.  It was kind of anticlimactic but it was a quick read.
• Rabbit Cake by Annie Hartnett.  I found this book in the adult fiction section of my library, but I think it would be more accurately categorized as young adult or adolescent fiction.  It was a good read and I'll pick up more from this author if I can find it!
• Tempting Fate by Jane Green.  Continuing on my Jane Green kick!  I thought the ending on this one was unrealistic, but it was still a really good story.
• The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Spear.  This was a book that Albani checked out from the library that I read because I'd finished all of the ones I checked out before we had a chance to return.  I could see why it was an award winner; have your 8-12 year old child read it.
• The Sisters Chase by Sarah Healy.  This one was full of surprises and an excellent read!  It kept me on the edge of my seat so to speak.
• The Good Byline by Jill Orr.  Another one with several surprising twists and a lot of action.
• Lily and the Octopus by Steven Rowley.  I loved part of this book and hated others.  I think if I could cut a lot of the middle and weirdness out it would have been much better.

August:

• And Then There Was Me by Sadeqa Johnson.  Loved the story, but couldn't love the ending.
• The Writing Desk by Rachel Hauck.  I will be reading more from this author!  I particularly liked how she weaved faith and Christ into the book without being overbearing about it.
• Dune Road by Jane Green.  More continuing on my Jane Green kick!  Reading several by her close together illustrated to me that her books tend to have a lot in common, as I mentioned above.  This story had some unexpected twists and kept me very interested through the end.
• This is Your Life, Harriet Chance! by Jonathan Evison.  I couldn't put this one down; it was a good big picture whole life reflection with several twists.
• Love Starts with Ellie by Rachel Hauck.  This had a lot in common with the other book I read by this author this month, and I would also recommend it, but maybe don't read the two books close together.
• Asymmetry by Lisa Halliday.  This one was okay.  The only reason I continued reading it and finished it was because it was the last of several books I'd checked out together, and I had a stretch of time where I was too busy to get to the library to check out new books; if I'd had other options I wouldn't have read it because it didn't capture my attention.

September:

• But Not For Me by Mona Ingram.  This was good, but I feel like it could have been so much better, if that makes sense.
• The Beet Queen by Louise Erdrich.  I alternated periods of enjoying this one and struggling to get through it.  The good parts were enough to keep me hanging on, but I wouldn't read it again.
• One of the Boys by Daniel Magariel.  The opposite of The Beet Queen, I flew through this one, although I did not like the ending.
• The Fallback Plan by Leigh Stein.  This was humorous and a quick read.
• The Perfect Nanny by Leila Slmani.  This was dark but a page-turner.

I think I got too busy in September to write book descriptions, haha!